«The Return», unpublished novel, episode 13

Every month, Le Regard Libre publishes the unpublished novel The return by young Swiss author Elliot Mazzella, in the form of fifteen episodes. A return to fiction in these pages, a return to the old tradition of the serial novel.

Joseph's convalescence was drawing to a close. Deep in bed, he heard a familiar voice, not that of the previous maid, Agathe. It's her, it's Leila, his childhood sweetheart. Their reunion marks the beginning of a period of peace and reconciliation. Joseph now takes part in village life, working, eating and laughing with those who have perhaps become his own.

Joseph blushed, he was about to grab her. But Leila wasn't afraid. She simply called him an animal and laughed at him. She took a step back. Now her gaze is searching for something inside him. Her head tilted slightly downward, she looked up to speak to him, a bit like a dog to its master.

- Are you coming? I've got something to show you.

He follows her without question. They reach the main road and cross the alfalfa fields. They head for the orchards. The fruit bends the branches of the trees, which seem to bow before them. Leila grabs a ladder and climbs into an apple tree.

- What are you waiting for? Follow my lead!

He obeys and loses himself between the leaves and the azure. The sun's rays cast shadows on his torso, the leaves resembling the wings of a wounded bird. In the distance, the road to his childhood is lost in the hills. He confuses it with the river. Behind the foliage, in the middle of the plain, Joseph glimpses the lakes that once welcomed their sweaty bodies, weighed down by the summer heat. They would go naked, without modesty, to catch their reflection in the shimmering water. They were cold. They snorted. They played at sinking until one of them cried and we waited for his parents to admonish him, guilty but happy. Then, heads down, distracted by their grimacing reflection, they stopped listening and laughed at themselves. For the first few years, boys and girls mingled naturally. Later, boys bathed with boys and girls with girls, and if anyone broke the rule, everyone knew why... The boys waited impatiently for the winner or loser on the bare rocks and were content with their champion's answer, while the girls crowded around and asked the brave girl to tell them all about it. The lake was the place for all encounters.

The cicadas are singing. The meadows are still green. Behind him, the forest has donned its colorful tunic. Joseph's spirit wanders simultaneously in two different palaces, one of autumn, the other of spring. The earth permeates this body deserted by intelligence. Immobile, it is carried away by the flow of a foreign consciousness. Joseph feels he exists.

- What's on your mind?

It only lasted a fraction of a second... He'd like to explain, but life has left him only a vague impression of her passing, not even a memory, not even proof. Deep in his heart, Joseph can only feel the lack, the absence of the one who visited him without his knowledge. He doesn't answer, for fear of losing what little he has left. But he's not angry; she didn't do it on purpose. He rejoices. It's not every day he gets to blame someone for his clumsiness.

- It's nothing.

Leila comes back down and beckons him closer. He lets his blond hair guide him. They walk until their strength fails them and they lie down in the shade of the orchards. There's no need to resist, only to let themselves be led. No one is around. The wind won't bother them; on the contrary, it will tangle their hair and push up a few clouds that will hide the sun, then they'll be cold and nothing will stop their bodies from embracing. They'll belong to each other. Past and future abolished, there will be only a vast, eternal present, suspended in the middle of nothing, in the paleness of the sun and a thousand leagues from the earth. They lie on their sides, facing each other. They have nothing to say to each other. Joseph puts his eyes to her lips. She doesn't want to, not yet. She holds her face in her hands. Her lips are full, her nose fine, her cheeks hollow with worry, and her eyes! They mirror worlds she doesn't know, they've seen what she can't imagine, they hold her as if she's dreaming. Leila offers him her lips and closes her eyes. It's no longer any of her business. She escapes the prison of fate. They desire each other, they possess each other. But their thirst is not quenched. They love each other even more, and the sky swirls over their heads. They no longer think, their consciousness is extinguished. Their being is identified with the beating of their hearts, with the sensation of skin brushed, caressed, licked by this other who, in the space of an instant, has become their reason for living. She pushes him away, then exposes herself. Her breasts are hard, she kisses his neck. Alone, they are caught up in the vertigo of love. Their skin tingles, their pupils dilate, their tongues intertwine, nothing matters. They could die tomorrow, or now. If we saw them like this, we'd put a bullet through their heads, but then what? Lying on his back, imagining the stars twinkling above him, Joseph wonders if this is what it means to be happy. His reflection is interrupted, intoxication overcomes him, why think? Leila was right, now there's no need to understand.

«Yes, that's what you call being happy. You don't understand it until later... I was caught up in a kind of whirlwind... At one point, I thought I was going blind. Yes, I couldn't see. Everything was white, as if I'd dared to look at the sun. White... without color. And I wasn't there, absent from my own dream. It was like an illumination... There were no shapes, no contours, no angles. But I couldn't say it was all flat... In fact, I couldn't say anything at all.»

The weight of her body on his, her blond hair spilling over his chest like rivers flowing into the sea. The smell of her flesh, the crushed flowers, the height of the sun in the sky. These images appear to him, then slip away. He can only catch glimpses, his gaze cannot fix on anything. Time passes too quickly to catch up. But why catch it? His race has become indifferent to them.

- You're back... I'm sure of it now... Thank you.

- Why did you do it? I didn't do much.

- Yes, you came back. And that's all that matters to me. You didn't abandon me. I never doubted you, you know? I knew you'd come back for me, it was just a matter of time.

He kisses her, a little surprised. His lips arouse her. She still wants him, she'll always want him. The source of her happiness seems inexhaustible.

- You're going to stay and live here, aren't you?

- I think so, yes.

- If you go back, take me with you.

- I'll take you.

- Do you promise?

- I promise.

She bursts into tears and holds him close to her heart. Joseph tries in vain to calm her down. But Leila is deliriously happy.

*

On the way back to the village, Joseph joins the men in congratulating him and thanking him for his help. They walk arm in arm, singing bawdy songs. A tear glistens in the corner of his eye. His gratitude is infinite.

Some couples look at him, amused, and offer to pay him a visit when he has a bit of time. We want to invite him, we'd be honored to have him! He absolutely must come and tell his story to the children! Joseph is an exceptional man! And to think that yesterday we disowned him! We apologize and move on. It's ancient history now! It's better to look to the future.

- Tonight, it's on me! I invite you all home!

Joseph doesn't know the man who spoke. But he's happy to drink and forget. He leaves to warn Agathe.

At Bruno's, you take your place without breathing a word and wait to be served. We do this regularly, meeting, toasting and drinking. We tell him that once he's got a roof over his head, he'll be able to welcome everyone at the table and offer them plenty of booze. Joseph nods, a little uncomfortably. He pays close attention to the words of his elders. If he follows their advice, his status will quickly evolve and his membership of the community will no longer be in doubt.

Joseph drinks his ass off. Again, he is congratulated and given a slap on the shoulder. He doesn't like alcohol very much. We laugh merrily at his grimaces. They still think he's just a kid discovering the pleasures of life. But after all, what's the harm? The men are right. Joseph has only been alive for a few hours, and it's thanks to them! On his own, he'd never have been able to do it. He owes them everything. So he declares:

- Very well, gentlemen! To your health and mine, let's drink!

- Cheers!

At one o'clock in the morning, Joseph greets those who have not yet left and returns to his landlady's house. He's a bit shaky, but makes it home somehow. He's not completely drunk. He climbs the stairs very carefully and finally arrives upstairs. The creaking floorboards give him pleasure, as if he were listening to the crackling fire in the fireplace. This is a welcoming place, where he feels at home. He throws himself on his bed, tired but happy. He doesn't fall asleep right away; he's excited, thinking about tomorrow and the surprises the world has in store for him. But above all, his mind is occupied by Leila and the moment of pure happiness he has enjoyed this afternoon.

A knock at the door. He may have misheard? but no, three knocks again. He gets up, but fears nothing. Joseph is confident, absurdly confident. He grabs the doorknob and waits a moment before turning it.

She's the one.

On the threshold, she said to him:

- I thought you could do with some company...

She kisses him without giving him time to respond.

A moonbeam passes through the curtains and illuminates half their bodies. Their faces are in shadow, invisible. Tomorrow, none of this will have been. The wind passes like a sigh. The sheets rustle, the sky descends to them. They sleep among the stars. This night is clearer than the most beautiful days of summer. Their bodies unite. Tiredness leaves them, they won't sleep.

- I want us to go away together. I want you to take me to see the sea, Joseph. Just like you promised.

- But how? Your father will find out, they'll chase me away and then... I don't want to take that risk. I don't want to lose the place I haven't even found yet in the village, you understand? And if I'm chased away, I'll lose you.

- It'll be our little secret... We'll leave during the night. They'll all be asleep! You think we're going to stand guard outside the village? We'll run all the way to the plain, all night long, all night long! In total silence, Joseph! Like crooks, like thieves! And maybe they'll treat us like that in the village. My father will disown me. I won't be his daughter anymore, so what? He doesn't understand, he's never understood, my father...

- When do you want to leave?

- I'll tell you. I want to see it, this world. I want to be part of it, too. You promised me... you think I've forgotten. Those words you carved, do you think they're just words? A game, perhaps? Well, I remember. And you came back.

- I don't want to leave, I want to stay here.

More next month.

You have just read an episode published in Le Regard Libre N°93.

You can read the previous episode.