Solitude, are you good for us?

For many people, the festive season is a time to get together with family and friends; to sweep grudges and regrets under the carpet; to share, to give, to celebrate our communities. For some, however, there are no presents under the tree, no messages on the answering machine, and no warmth of family or friends at the door on Christmas or New Year's Eve.

Far from denying the suffering that can be linked to loneliness, and which perhaps reaches its climax in winter, we are nonetheless faced with an observation: against loneliness, our ultra-connected society has developed all sorts of stratagems.

Thanks to the technologies of the early twenty-first century^th At the dawn of the 21st century, contact should be possible at all times, and while this is certainly an advantage when it comes to maintaining a link with those who are at a distance, this communication can prove stifling - as in the case of couples (whether friends or lovers) who tell each other everything, from the smallest get-togethers to the big ones, their deepest joys as well as their most personal questions.

Rainer Maria Rilke, in his Letters to a young poet, He was already advising the recipient to live out his solitude, and discussing the misfortune of young couples who shared everything, wanting to be one when they were respectively not yet themselves.

What if we had confused isolation with solitude? And what if, instead of being the knife in the wound, solitude was instead the most powerful balm there is? Jacqueline Kelen's reflection in her book The Spirit of Solitude seemed to us to be an opening to a happy and prolific solitude.

Read also | «De la solitude»

To be apart indicates that there is at least one difference in the individual who is apart, and that this difference creates a distance between him and others, an insurmountable distance; to be apart evokes an action, to set apart. Solitude, on the other hand, is a state, and maintaining it a struggle. Those who choose to be alone, who take the time to explore their inner self and enrich it with what they like and would like to know, gain freedom.

Indeed, solitude concerns any of us. How many of the great personalities of our rich Western history, and indeed of the whole world, have suggested, even advocated, being alone, since everyone has a unique life, and no one can live with anyone until they can live with themselves?

Loneliness is inherent to the individual's situation, since - an idea illustrated and analyzed by Thomas Nagel in his famous article «What is it like to be a bat(»What's it like to be a bat?«) - no one would know what it's like to be the other, whether loved or hated, whether the other inspires any feeling or not. The only certainty is that «I» exist.

It seems obvious that, even if this state of solitude is chosen, it's not easy to live with. If it's suffered, it won't allow the buds that lie dormant inside to blossom. It's also, and more than anything else, a matter of inhabiting our solitude, making it our own, and seizing this opportunity to nurture the parts of ourselves that are most ourselves, sometimes the fruit of long hours of doubt and suffering.

In solitude is born the true identity of the individual who, once revealed to himself, becomes master of his destiny by becoming aware of his gifts and differences. Our standardizing societies prevent this individual identity, in the sense that constant contact immerses our selves in those of others, blending them to the point of dissolution. And the lack of personality and personal grounding also leads to unspeakable suffering.

However, exile is not the only solution. A solitary life can be lived in society, as a couple, and a solitary person is perfectly capable of forming rich friendships. It's just a question of giving it time. The blossoming interest in practices such as meditation in our Western societies goes hand in hand with a need for solitude that needs to be listened to as a matter of urgency.

It's about escaping from the community scene for a few minutes, or even a few hours, to return to it with confidence. It's about enriching our inner selves with the passion we have for our work, so that we can shed the light of our personality on the world. When we love ourselves, we can feel both our uniqueness and our connection with people all over the world.