«John Wick - Parabellum»: you'll die a bigger idiot!

I like action movies. Admittedly, I wouldn't swear by this genre, but I appreciate it. From the James Bond to Jean-Claude Van Damme with a semblance of a story, and even to Steven Seagal films, which are notorious for not flying very high. But here, John Wick is asking too much of me. «If you want peace, prepare for war», says the Latin quote that gives this third installment its title; well, if you want to be bored for more than two hours, prepare for war! John Wick.

Please excuse my crude language, but what else can I say? The former hitman broke the rule of the Continental, the international mafia circle to which he belongs. While the Continental brings together assassins from all over the world, it has one inviolable rule: no killing is allowed within the walls of the Continental building, which is, after all, just a hotel. Of course, John Wick broke the rule. You probably saw that coming. So now there’s a bounty on his head. But being as strong and clever as he is, he outwits all his adversaries.

The plot isn't a total loss. After all, an action movie doesn't need much more than that to be a success. The problem is that not only is the plot thin, but it’s not developed at all. The entire movie—and I mean the entire movie—is nothing but hand-to-hand combat. And here I am punching you right there; and here I am smashing your ugly mug into a storefront window; and here I am taking you down on your motorcycle; and finally, here I am plunging a dagger into your skull. I’m not joking; I’m not exaggerating.

One thing is certain: if the goal of John Wick – Parabellum is to be a parody of action movies—hats off to the artist! Because it works! In fact, the script even dares to include a few touches of humor. But it doesn’t need that to be ridiculous. The character of John Wick is already more than laughable. With his penguin suit splattered with the same blood from the beginning to the end of the movie. With his gaze, frozen in «I’m very violent, so watch out» mode. And with his haircut! Out of style for at least twenty years. It’s a neatly trimmed bob, complete with a few wayward strands escaping at the sides.

And because the Continental Hotel, where most of the feature film takes place, is supposedly luxurious, we’re supposed to be immersed in a very chic, very classy atmosphere. Yeah, right! The ties are ridiculous, the guns aren’t even realistic enough to spark kids« imaginations, and the pseudo-dialogue between these super-powerful high-society types fighting to the death is pitiful. Only the esoteric element manages to be somewhat compelling. The tattoos, the morbid rituals, and the rosaries have a certain something. The soundtrack provides a good, suspenseful beat. But that’s not enough to make an immortal John Wick—who embodies a movie that’s »as dumb as it gets”—any interesting.»

Write to the author: loris.musumeci@leregardlibre.com

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